Comparison of research #4

This article from the Pew Research Center had a more meat to it. The hard numbers really drove home a few thing that made me realize how things have become. I realized my childhood was closer to mainstream than an outcast than I thought. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.

http://pewresearch.org/pubs/526/marriage-parenthood

It starts with this very sobering statement.

“A Generation Gap in Behaviors and Values. Younger adults attach far less moral

stigma than do their elders to out-of-wedlock births and cohabitation without marriage.

They engage in these behaviors at rates unprecedented in U.S. history. Nearly four-in-ten

(36.8%) births in this country are to an unmarried woman. Nearly half (47%) of adults in

their 30s and 40s have spent a portion of their lives in a cohabiting relationship.
”

Some other things that are mentioned is that half of all non-marital births are to cohabiting couples, 19 years ago this ratio was only about a third. Of those couples that are cohabiting and have children together only 44% say they want to marry.

Here is an odd thing I found in their report. An overwhelming number of people (they called it a lopsided margin) said that a two parent home was best when it came to raising children. Yet those people said, overwhelmingly that it was better for everyone to divorce if the couple was very unhappy. My question here is, why is every one so unhappy that they want a divorce? Did the husband find out that the wife turns into an evil witch at sundown? Does the husband become an ogre after dinner? What was as the reason they got married in the first place?!?! Did no one explain to them that marriage is the second toughest job you'll ever love?! (Parenthood being the first).

Or is it that this generation has become so selfish. Or is it the disposable notion of this generation? Oh no this one doesn't have the newest feature, it just isn't as shiny anymore. Well it is TWO years old! Trade it in for a new one. One thing is certain. This generations views have changed dramatically from their parents. Around my generation. 50% of people felt it was alright to have a child out of wedlock. This generation the number is close to 75%. Yet both generations feel it is best to have a two parent home??? Huh?

I don't understand the conflicting answers people have given in these studies, I am not going to pretend to. What I can say is with all the people I have talked to personally, all but one has said they want to be married. Some are married, some, like myself, married again, some want to be married, and some want to be married later(much later). All agreed that a two parent home was the best way to raise a child. I think no couple is an island. They all need support from family (close and extended) and friends to make it work. AND BELIEVE ME IT IS WORK! So those of you who think marriage is big party, you might want to rethink things before saying “I do”. It can be a very rude awakening when the party ends. Everyone has a hangover and it is time to clean up!

So is marriage dead, I will finally ask myself. I think no. Solemn and steady, I can say that. It is a misunderstood institution. From my generation to the current one we need to realize anything worth having is worth working for. You can't get a relationship on credit. Also that the everyday of a solid relationship is not glitz and glamor, dashing and exciting. It is just nice, sometimes really comfortable and cozy, like the warm pair of jeans out of the dryer on a cold winter morning. It is the little things that add up to a great relationship. The flash and excitement never last forever. You shouldn't expect them to. You can only get out of it what you have put in. One last bit of insight, if you both putting in 110% you might just feel like you are getting 70%, on a good day.